Fixing the Broken Man Malady

Loosing one's job is difficult but the harder part for me was not being able to quickly find a new job. Part of my identity is being a provider for my family. I began to feel broken and over time (about 2 years of unemployment) worthless. I had a choice: continue in self-pity and search for ways to numb my anger and hopelessness or accept the truth that much of what happens to me is outside of my control. It is that lack of power over my own life that is the poison pill that is hard to swallow.

Would I defend my pride by withdrawing within myself and becoming distant to those who love me? Or would I get off the "pity pot" and embrace the strength that comes from becoming vulnerable. Recently I watched a talk on TED (here) that helped me to understand an important truth. Choosing to not be vulnerable or deal with my identity as a provider led to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. In such a state, happiness was lost and reality become a 'lone and dreary' world. The truth was (is) not that what had happened to me turned me into a broken man but rather I had always been broken in my understanding of what constitutes a man. By correcting my understanding and choosing to be more vulnerable 'fixed' what had been broken.

Vulnerability means accepting that we may not have power to change how things truly are. The difficulty of course is that we cannot always know what we can change and what we must just accept. But part of fixing the broken man malady is to open up to those we trust and listen to their wisdom. While I may be broken in other regards, I accept that what happened to me was not my fault and I choose to have hope that things will be better in the future.

Complexity

-Brooks "The complexity of software is an essential property, not an accidental one."
and "not all complexity is inevitable" and "The essence of a software entity is a construct of interlocking concepts...[this] essence is abstract."

-Lars Sodahl "In my experience most of the complexities which are encountered in systems work are symptoms of organizational malfunctions. Trying to model this reality with equally complex programs is actually to conserve the mess instead of solving the problems."

Q: Is there a difference in the way Open Source developers deal with complexity of programming than the way it is within closed source projects? How do people share their understanding of the abstract? What are the ways of communicating abstract visualizations of programs? Is something lost when the only medium of communication is written text?

need an outlet

I'm hoping to use my blog as a place to outlet my thoughts an divers matters. Most will probably revolve around the Gospel but I suppose politics could creep in at times as well.

I always thought of the great depression as a "all of a sudden" event. I'm now starting to think that it was more like it is today: a slow agonizing economical depression.

In this depression there seems to be two camps: those who have continued in their jobs/careers and those who did not. Those who did view the rest of us with pity but there are those who also judge with scorn--thinking perhaps that we just need to be willing to work for less pay. Or perhaps just be willing to work at a job we don't want. The unfortunate truth is that, while there may be such idlers in our mist, I believe that vast majority of us cannot find any work no matter how willing we are.

What do you do when there are no jobs? I have found myself in the hapless position of having to agonize over three mutually exclusive choices: one, find work; two, stop looking for work; or three, continue to look for work. The first choice is somewhat outside my ability to control, the second will most likely lead to the same conclusion as the last: no work.

In the end, perhaps it's not about finding work as discovering a way to make money.

Only time will tell.

First Things First

I will begin my blog with the first and most important things I want to say. I suppose later I can add other less meaningful things.

I have come to an understanding about the purpose of life and the reality of certain truths. It seems paradoxical to me, at times, that the Gospel or truths taught by God should seem so difficult to accept and live while those very truths would bring about the greatest happiness in our lives. Yet, it has been my sad experience to see that while we may know the truth in our minds it is another thing all together to understand them in our hearts.

I know that God is our Father in Heaven. The God of this universe is a man, completely perfect and loving. As children of God we have within us the power to choose. This gift of choice allows us to grow and become as Jesus commanded us to "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect" (Matt.5:48). It is the process of learning the truth and obeying it that we develop and grow spiritually. Obviously the goal is unattainable in this life, but we should strive for it anyways.

There are many "religions" which confess to teach the truths of God. And I do not doubt that many do teach such truths. However, God is not a God of confusion and cannot be the author of so many churches. The scriptures say "One Lord, one faith, one baptism" (Eph. 4:5), how can there be only one God, one faith, and one baptism but hundreds of different churches? Is it possible that God can have one church? Yes. I know that our Father in Heaven, through Jesus established a church when Jesus lived on the earth. He organized a church with leaders, teachers, and administration. The church was eventually destroyed by political and religious leaders. Through the Dark Ages (dark from the truth being altered) and then thereafter many churches sprang up and proclaimed that they had the truth. But, while they had some truth, they were missing a very important ingredient to the true church: prophets.

I do not believe that there has ever been a more important time in human history, for someone to speak for God, then now. Adam spoke with God, Abraham, Noah, Moses, Elijah, Isaiah, and then the 12 apostles had Jesus who spoke with God. And then after his resurrection they could speak with Jesus. Has God forgotten us today, do we not need such direct communication? It has been the test of nearly every generation to accept that God speaks to man or not. The test has always been whether God can call a man to be his spokesman and whether we should follow that man's advice. The test continues.

In 1820 God once again called a spokesman, a prophet, through whom he could once again establish His church, reveal the fullness of His truth and set up the administration through which future generations could know the way to live. Joseph Smith was that man. I know that God the Father and Jesus Christ appeared to him and spoke to him. They told him that all the churches were wrong. Through him they revealed many important truths related to the kingdom of God on the earth once more. You can dig up all the slander you want about Joseph Smith, in the end, you either believe he was called be God or he wasn't. I know for myself, independent from what others tell me that he was a prophet, chosen to restore the true church of God.

Through Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon-Another Testament of Jesus Christ was translated. It is a book of scripture comparable to the Bible, providing God's dealings with the people of the American continent, the ancestors of the native Americans. It shows that God speaks to all people. By reading the book we can know for ourselves whether Joseph Smith was a prophet or not. I am amazed when people are so afraid to read the book to know whether it contains the words of God or not. Why fear? I'll read any book and tell you whether it is of God or not. I do not fear truth, whatever its form. I'll read, ponder, and pray and will decide for myself whether what the book says is true or not. We can either read or listen to what other people say about the Book of Mormon or we can read it for ourselves and ponder what it says and then ask God if what it says is true or not.

In the end, we must all discover the truth for ourselves. I would invite anyone who reads this to ask your Father in Heaven whether what I say is true. Go straight to the source. Study it out for yourself, go to www.lds.org or jesuschrist.lds.org or www.mormon.org and see for yourself what members of the church believe.

In closing, I leave you with my favorite scripture: Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me" (Rev. 3:20). I have so knocked and while all the cynics can laugh at my belief, I cannot deny the experiences I have had. I have asked and know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the restored church of Christ on the earth once more. I know that there is a prophet living on the earth once more. I know that God does answer prayers and I know that he will answer yours.