Fixing the Broken Man Malady

Loosing one's job is difficult but the harder part for me was not being able to quickly find a new job. Part of my identity is being a provider for my family. I began to feel broken and over time (about 2 years of unemployment) worthless. I had a choice: continue in self-pity and search for ways to numb my anger and hopelessness or accept the truth that much of what happens to me is outside of my control. It is that lack of power over my own life that is the poison pill that is hard to swallow.

Would I defend my pride by withdrawing within myself and becoming distant to those who love me? Or would I get off the "pity pot" and embrace the strength that comes from becoming vulnerable. Recently I watched a talk on TED (here) that helped me to understand an important truth. Choosing to not be vulnerable or deal with my identity as a provider led to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. In such a state, happiness was lost and reality become a 'lone and dreary' world. The truth was (is) not that what had happened to me turned me into a broken man but rather I had always been broken in my understanding of what constitutes a man. By correcting my understanding and choosing to be more vulnerable 'fixed' what had been broken.

Vulnerability means accepting that we may not have power to change how things truly are. The difficulty of course is that we cannot always know what we can change and what we must just accept. But part of fixing the broken man malady is to open up to those we trust and listen to their wisdom. While I may be broken in other regards, I accept that what happened to me was not my fault and I choose to have hope that things will be better in the future.